S2EP26: TONY'S TABLE (WITH TONY CASE)
Our longest convo to date! From navigating a divorce to becoming a well-known socialite, we get Tony’s take on Charleston’s dating scene and his life then vs. now. We touch on the stigma of men and therapy, masculinity, the meaning of Tony’s Table, and even a little bit of financial advice from the financial planner himself. #SlideTFIn
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Quotes from the episode
"The most important thing you can do early in your professional life is figure out what you spend every month."
"Charleston is an expensive town, and one of the biggest mistakes young people make is trying to keep up with everyone else.
"Boats are terrible investments. Join a boat club instead if you want to be out on the water without the financial drain.
"Budgeting is not boring; it's the key to financial freedom. Everyone should know what they spend and why."
"If you're struggling with spending, make it automatic. Set up a separate bank account for your vacation fund and transfer money into it monthly."
"It's hard to take money away from things you're used to spending on. It takes a real conversation with yourself about what's more important."
"You might make more money elsewhere, but are you going to be happier? Charleston has a unique charm that’s hard to leave behind."
"Savings accounts don't pay much, but for the first time since 2007, you can earn 4% with a money market account."
"Credit card debt is something to avoid. It takes discipline and budgeting, but it's worth it to avoid the financial burden."
"Set up another bank account for your goals. Automate your savings so you don’t have to think about it."
"The most important thing you can do early in your professional career is figure out what you spend every month. Then, identify what you want to accomplish in the next three to five years and make sure your spending aligns with those goals."
"Charleston's an expensive town, and one of the biggest mistakes young people make is trying to keep up with everyone else. It's easy to get caught up in the social scene, buying boats, and other toys just to keep up appearances."
"Boats are terrible investments. If you love being on the water, consider joining a boat club instead. It's more cost-effective and gives you access without the financial drain of boat ownership."
"I always tell people: make saving automatic. If you want to save $250 a month for a vacation, set up another bank account and automate that transfer. This way, you won't even have to think about it, and you'll have a vacation fund without the temptation to spend it."
"For the first time since 2007-2008, you can earn around 4% on a money market account. So, if you have money just sitting in a checking account, consider moving it to earn more interest."
"One of the hardest things to do is take money from people that they're used to spending on fun. It's crucial to have a real conversation about what's more important: the social life or other financial goals like buying a house or taking a vacation."
"In the financial planning process, it’s about helping people identify what they want and holding them accountable. It’s understanding the dynamics of investments, taxes, estate planning, and more to create a vision and a plan for their future."
"Credit card debt can be a dangerous cycle. Fortunately, I've avoided it because of a strong budgeting approach. It's all about understanding what you spend and why."
"When saving for your future, step one is building up a savings account with three to six months of expenses. Beyond that, consider other options like money market accounts or high-yield savings accounts for better interest rates."
"If you're looking for good online banks with competitive interest rates, consider options like Allied Banking, SoFi, or brokerage platforms like Schwab and Fidelity."
"I think everybody can change, but it usually takes something very traumatic in your life to make you realize that you're not happy and want something to change."
"I remember sitting down and writing out the things I wasn't happy with and the things I didn't like about myself. That's when I decided to seek help."
"The thing with therapy that helped me is it gave me an objective opinion. It’s hard to tell someone you care about what they need to hear, but therapy provided that."
"Therapy is not about being weak-minded. It's about recognizing you can't do it all yourself and seeking help, just like people come to me for financial advice."
"It’s not about having a weak mind; it takes a stronger mind to acknowledge you need help and seek it."
"Changing your environment and being honest with yourself are key parts of personal growth."
"Social media ruined dating. It turned it into a game where whoever cares the least has all the power."
"I was looking for intimacy, but then I realized sometimes it's just a random Friday night."
"I went from thinking every relationship had to mean something to realizing it can be whatever. That was a major mentality shift."
"If you hold everyone to the same standards you keep for yourself, you'll always be disappointed."
"Therapy helped me gain an objective opinion. Friends and family mean well, but they're biased. They tell you what you want to hear, not what you need to hear. Having someone who can provide an unbiased perspective was invaluable for my self-awareness and growth."
"I realized I couldn't fix everything on my own. So, I reached out to a friend who was a therapist for recommendations. The therapist I chose had a philosophy I appreciated: he didn't want therapy to become a crutch, but rather a tool to help me fix things and move forward."
"I went through my divorce and felt like I had to start over. I had been with someone for eight years, and suddenly, I had to figure out who I was without that person. Therapy became a vital part of that journey."
"I think there's a stigma around men going to therapy. I had it too. I thought I was strong enough to handle things on my own. But therapy isn't about mental weakness; it's about accountability and self-awareness."
"Changing your environment and social circle is crucial when you're trying to grow. I moved downtown after my divorce and focused on working on myself. That change made a massive difference in how I interacted with people and how they perceived me."
"When it comes to dating, I used to think every relationship had to mean something. But as I got more entrenched in the dating scene, I realized not every encounter has to lead to something significant. It was a major shift in my mindset."
"I think today, it's common for people to date multiple people at once to see who pursues them the most. Personally, if I knew I was one of three, I'd opt out. It’s not the way it used to be, and that's a big reason why dating feels different now."
"After my divorce, I was looking for someone to fill the void of an eight-year relationship. But over time, I've learned to be more selective and not rush into things just for the sake of it."
"For me, therapy wasn't just about talking; it was about listening to someone else break down my own words. When my therapist repeated my stories back to me, it helped me see things from a new perspective."
"There's an old saying: 'If you hold everyone to the same standards you keep for yourself, you'll always be disappointed.' I had to learn that not everyone is looking for the same things or has the same values."
"Sometimes partying is just a way to emotionally escape what’s going on in my life. But then I wake up the next day and realize it's not fulfilling."
"The hardest part of living in a small city is that it’s hard to go out without being offered seven shots in one night."
"It’s weird, but going out became an expectation. People start asking, 'Where’s the after-party?' It’s like you have to be there."
"I know a lot of friends that go out and say, 'I don’t know why I’m here. I can’t keep doing this.' But their circle makes it hard to get out."
"You become part of a never-ending spin cycle. I worry about what we’ll see 5-10 years down the road."
"In your twenties, it’s fun. In your late thirties and forties, it becomes depression."
"It’s hard to say no to drinking when everyone around you is doing it. When you’re making a healthier choice, it makes them question their own."
"You’re stuck in this cycle of either sitting at home alone or going out and not feeling good about it."
"The most intimate piece of yourself you can give to someone is your body. I think people just freely give it away now."
"I want people to start thinking about it now so that 10 years down the road, it’s not too late."
"Sometimes going out isn’t even about enjoying myself. It’s about distracting myself from what's going on in my life. But it’s a vicious cycle. I wake up the next day feeling unfulfilled and wondering why I keep doing this to myself."
"Living in a small city where you know everyone can make it tough to go out casually. You can’t go out without being offered drinks left and right. It’s almost like you feel pressured to join in, even when you don’t want to."
"After my divorce, partying was my escape. I was trying to fill the void of what I had lost. But as time went on, it became more of an expectation from others. People would text me asking what the plan was for the night, and it started giving me anxiety to just sit at home."
"I worry about some of my friends who are stuck in this endless cycle of partying. What’s it going to look like for them in 5-10 years? We’re talking about people in their late thirties and forties. At some point, it stops being fun and starts being a sign of depression."
"One of the hardest parts of breaking out of the party scene is that the alternatives aren’t appealing. You either sit at home alone, or you go out and don’t feel good about it. It’s hard to find that middle ground."
"There’s a stigma around taking a break from drinking. When I tell people I'm not drinking, they ask, 'Did you get a DUI?' No, I just want to take a break, but it doesn’t stop the pressure to join in."
"It’s easier to just go along with the crowd than to take a step back and say, 'Maybe this isn’t the lifestyle I want.' That’s why it’s so hard for people to break free from the party cycle."
"I had to find my new self after my marriage ended. At first, going out and being part of the scene was my way of finding happiness. But now I see it's not sustainable long-term."
"I know that many people in the scene don’t genuinely care about me. It’s more about what I can offer, like a table or free drinks. It’s a tough realization, but at the end of the day, if I'm getting what I want out of it, I don't mind."
“I used to think everyone was looking for the same thing—connection, love, something deeper. But now, it’s more about who cares the least has all the power. It’s a game that no one really wins."
THANKS FOR SLIDING TF IN, Fangirl. <3